'The 3 A's'

Milly from The Midwest (Contact Member) -

Abuse, adultry and addiction. If you are having trouble in your marriage and once of these comes up, yes, get divorced. Especially if you have children.

The reason I post these is, there are alot of couples out there that don't know if they should stay in the marriage or not. "Once I married, it was for better or for worse". Not true. A marriage cannot work out if one person is being abused, or if one person commits adultry (broken vow) or if one person has an addiction (not mentally stabel to work at a marriage).

So if you have one of the 3 A's in your marriage, consider it a vow broken and talk to an attorney. Especially if you have kids.

Comment #1 Bill from Missoula (Contact Member) -

Yes I agree. If you stay married "for the kids, " you will forever torment them with the side effects of your bad relationship.

Comment #2 Poochie from the pound (Contact Member) -

There are so many couples that think staying together for just the kids is worth it. Many kids would rather have their parents divorced if it meant less abuse and a more stable life. I grew up around many kids that had divorced parents and it is sad, but the abuse stops so that is the better option.

Comment #3 Jules from Nebraska (Contact Member) -

I agree. A friend of mine had parents' who chose to stay together just because of their kids. She grew up thinking that she lived in a "happy" home. She was crushed to find out later when she was in college that her parents were unhappy in their marriage but stayed to together because of the kids. Her parents are now divorced and my friend still has a hard time with it.

Comment #4 snowbird from The Frozen Tundra (Contact Member) -

My mother was an alcoholic. I went through alot of turmoil when I was growing up. I dont' have as many problems as my siblings, but I only wish my dad would have divorced her sooner. But I think the only reason he stayed was to protect us, cause the courts would have given us to our mother.

Comment #5 larry (63.176.159.78) -

i have always thought this.. i would rather my parents be seperated and happy than together and miserable.. if you stay together just for the kids your only making things at home worse.. eventually it will all come out and do some harm in the family..

Comment #6 alisha (63.176.159.201) -

i think if your relationship is that bad and you want to do anything for the kids, you should try your best to not get them involved. You should try and get along with eachother that way if you do split up it wont be as hard on the kids because they can still see there parents when they want rather than their parents fighting over them.

Comment #7 Flora (63.176.159.32) -

Divorce is good but what if you are in a country that does not offer "divorce" as an option. Let's say a Catholic or Christian country? Divorce only applies only in the United states my dears or other non-Christian countries.

The only escape of a women experiencing this dreaded 3A is a lawsuit against her husband for physical, emotional, and mental abuse in order to incarcinate and be separated with this "animal". It is an alarming and sad faith by some women around the world.

Comment #8 Dustin (63.176.159.191) -

now the first post suggests that no matter what you should get a divorce. not true. have you ever thought that maybe if one has and addiction, it can be talked about and resolved?

Comment #9 Sam (63.176.159.224) -

I don't think you need to meet the the "3A" before you decide to file a divorced suite against your partner. Just one on these are powerful enough for anybody's case. But if there is even a slim chance of fixing the problems it is still best thing to be done rather than having a divorce specially on couple who already have kids.

Comment #10 Benson (63.176.159.148) -

I think you should try resolving any problems before you just leave.

Comment #11 Ms. L (63.176.159.193) -

Addiction is the only situation acceptable for me for trying to resolve a divorce problems but if one of the other two will be present for the divorce situation might as well forget resolving it. There are a lot of situations beside the 3 As like negligence etc.

Comment #12 Jenna (63.176.159.163) -

That was an immediate action you have suggested. Well the reason "For The Kids" is not a bad reasoning. Of course it is tormenting to be abused by your partner or to see him ruin his health, relationship, and life but even if you lost your love or have given up on him, isn't it disturbing (to the conscience) not to help a once partner. Try to seek a marriage counselor, or psychologist first before you make drastic decisions.

Comment #13 Julie (63.176.159.244) -

I also believe that if you suffer from addiction that you could work the marriage out easily. But if your getting abused or if one person commits adultery than that is needs for a divorce, but not addiction.

Comment #14 Paloma (63.176.159.249) -

I agree with Dustin and Benson. divorce is not the immediate solution to choose. Settle things first. Talk to your partner. Good communication is the best way to clear ad patch things up. Especially if there are children involve. They will be confused of the situation. IF it did not work then.....Go for divorce.

Comment #15 Dong (63.176.159.127) -

Some country do not permit divorce. Here are the countries that permits divorce:

Canada, England and Wales, France, Italy, Republic of Ireland, United States, Scotland, Mexico, The Dominican Republic, Haiti, Guam, Japan, Brazil,

in the Philippines or in some other country, divorce was not allowed but there is annulment case to be filed if you want to end a marriage.

But in different countries, there are different laws of divorce. Here is the link for information.

• marriagepartner.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4081

Comment #16 cwemoy (63.176.159.25) -

I hold the school of thought that once you are married, you are answerable to each other and should you choose to divorce, the decision entirely lies on the two of you. Those countries that do not allow divorce are making the futures of many kids being brought up in abusive environments quite a bet.

I do not think you need to reach the3 A's to know the marriage is on the rocks. Usually, the tell-tale signs come up very early in the relationship.

Comment #17 Joel (63.176.159.44) -

Even the hardline catholic countries like Spain and Italy now have divorce. They will also soon have gay marriages, itīs the times...Things happen no matter who likes them or not.

Comment #18 pale_o (63.176.159.173) -

Part of what Milly has said is not the universal truth. The principles of marriage might be the same in most societies but that does not mean that the whole universe will be united in deciding what makes or breaks a marriage.

Take for example one party being in an unstable state of mind. Well, there might be a point in the other party feeling tempted to call it quits. What then will be left of the aggrieved person? What happens if they return to normal health?

Comment #19 Kira (63.176.159.193) -

When they return to normal health is the time where they can talk. I have to agree in ending up a marriage if you are happy no more and you are hurting, physically and emotionally.

Talks can resolve things but it depends on the case on whether you are talking with a normal thinking person or with a person under the influence of any substance, like alcohol.

SOmetimes the hardest and saddest part of life is the only way to be free. You will realize that later.

Comment #20 May (63.176.159.162) -

If you get hurted and there are children who would eventually suffer in mental and emotional abuse upon seeing thier parents fight over things and strat hurting each other, then it is the right thing to do, get your ass out of the relationship and file a divorce.

Love is just a word until you give meaning to it, and your spouse as well. Before you can love others, first you have to love your self.

Comment #21 Eve (63.176.159.111) -

Divorce is not a favored topic of mine. My thing is, if you know that there is a possibility lurking in the back of your mind that your intended spouse may not be someone that you can live with forever, why bother to get married in the first place. Many marry just for money, for status, among many other things other than what they should be getting married for, defeating the purpose, and this is why divorce is so very rampant.

Comment #22 Chollo (63.176.159.134) -

Thanks for sharing those advice Milly, I have to agree that when you encounter those 3A's you certainly have to get the relationship ended. It is saddening at first to end up such a very long relationship, however, life is full of challenges and lots of choices also have to made. Hope that we do make the right choices in our life.

Comment #23 Shirley (63.176.159.13) - Thu Jan 7 10:28:23 2010

I also had been in a situation where I have to choose between love towards my husband and love towards my self. I am a victim of domestic violence. My former husband used to lock me up at home and just let me out when he wishes. At first i though of staying but now, thanks to my family I managed to get out of the relationship. I just hope that this won't happen to anyone anymore.

Comment #24 Kasi (63.176.159.144) - Mon Feb 1 17:01:51 2010

The base of a divorce is usually one of the 3 A's and there is no way of coming back from either of them. There is no way a marriage could be healthy with any of them involved no matter how small the incident is.

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